Wild Life

Someone posted in my online class about her Urban Wildwood backyard, and it made me think of mine. I have an Urban Wildwood, too.

I live in a city now, and there's not much green space in my section of it. I mean...there are trees, true, but not like....I mean, in Asheville, there's so much green there I don't know how they built a city in the midst of it and still retained the greenness of it.
 
But here, it's a city, a "real" one, an ugly mess of concrete and steel and sidewalks and trains and traffic and litter. Unless you choose to focus elsewhere, and that's doable, but hard.

My back "yard" is a tiny space held in by a concrete wall. In that space is one giant pine tree and a bunch of smaller trees. There's vines and pine straw and a little bit of grass here and there, and some bare spots.
There's a ton of wildlife for such a small space!

There's gray squirrels. LOTS of them. Some of them must be getting on in years, like me, because their tails are gray. My tail is not, thank all the gods, but my head hair is starting to grow glitter out of it.
 
There's cats. I think there's only one from last year that survived the winter, but we have named her Shmoo. She's a small black cat. She had 4 kittens that are now bigger than she is. I haven't seen all of them around in awhile, but there's one that has stuck around.
 
There's a TON of birds. I am on the first floor so I am lucky enough to live right under all that tree canopy, and I also have a bird feeder right at the edge of my porch, and our kitty likes to look out the window at all those potential kitty snacks on the bird feeder. We get chickadees, which is the MA state bird, and we get blue jays, which I heard are relatives of crows, and we get I think what are nut hatches, and I have seen a cardinal or two every now and again.
 
Last year we had a skunk-- silly thing, with short legs like a dachsund, long hair, and a waddle-- what a funny guy he was!
 
My neighbor said she saw raccoons, but I have not seen any.
 
I had a neighbor's girlfriend early this summer who said I reminded her of Snow White, with all the animals around me unafraid. What a compliment! I'll take it.

My little wild space in the backyard of my city. I don't think anyone else ever notices back there but me. I'm super, super grateful to have it.

Crossroads.

I signed up for 30 Days Of Hecate with Joanna Powell Colbert. It was only $20 and I thought...why not? I really could stand to save the money, but heck, this is for ME, and it's a thoughtful way of connecting to the season.

Today's journal prompt, Day 1:
At what crossroads do you stand? How might you call on Hecate to be your guide?

I think...I had to think about this. I stand at several crossroads. I view crossroads as decision-making (Do I do this or that? What's next?) and every decision, every path has a parallel universe. A What-If path.

I have many (crossroads, decisions, pathways to choose from) at any given time, but right now I am thinking I am at a crossroads of my life. I am between Mother and Crone. On Saturday (Samhain/Halloween), if I don't spot, which I haven't yet, I am officially through menopause. Which, physically, means I'm Croned. Yet because I started so late with pregnancy (41yo), I am still very much in Mothering mode. Somehow, though, I am identifying more and more with Crone goddesses...Hecate. Baba Yaga. 

I am not afraid of death. I am not at all afraid of getting older. I look at my body with wonder and awe and abject fascination. It's wrinkly. The skin is thinner, and it hangs. I see a very different visage when I look in the mirror than when I am photographed. I'm appalled because I feel the same as my 40 year old self, yet I look (in my eyes) much, much older. My gray is starting to come in more. I have downy fuzz on my face. I have a mole that now grows four hairs out of it. It used to grow one, then two, now four. My Witch-mole. I'm getting older. It's so weird.

This is not a choice between this road or that. I can, however, choose my attitude with which to take the path. I choose acceptance, not resistance. I choose fascination. I hopefully choose wisdom. I can't wait for each day. It's an exciting journey!

I wanted to post a new picture, but I can't figure out how. Yet. I haven't changed all that much, being's I'm nearly 56 and when people are adults, I don't think they change all that much, generally. Unless they lose or gain a ton of weight (which I have-- I should figure out how to load up my fat picture) or when they grow, like....thirty years older than the last pic.
I digress. I look nearly the same. I think I'm more wrinkly, in photos, but perhaps I'm being picky about myself. As humans are wont to do.


So...Friday, two days ago, they cut down a tree across the way from me. And gave another one a massive haircut. I was very nearly sick to my stomach for the whole day. I had to shut the curtains in broad daylight so I couldn't see. I could still hear the chain saws, though. Now I have this ugly stump out there to look at-- the gaping wound of the corpse of my beautiful oakey friend. It's horrible, and devastating, and I can hardly talk about it or think about it, so mostly I don't, but I had to mention it because it just blows my mind how people-- most people-- think of trees as "just trees". Or animals, too, "It's just a dog", or "It's only a cat" or whatever.
To me, everything matters.
Trees matter.
Trees matter in a HUGE way. We breathe in, they breathe out. They breathe in, we breathe out. That is often a meditation of mine: We breathe in, they breathe out. They breathe in, we breathe out.


More later. 

Good morning, choochoo train! I can see the trains right outside my window. I love trains. I have lived near trains all my life.

Out my window, you see: first the street, then the highway, then the train tracks, all parallel, one and then the next. Some folks would hate that. I feel like I have my eye on the world. Beyond all those, is the hill, behind which is Holy Cross college. I can't see the college in the green season, except for the very tippy-tops of the buildings, so sometimes I can pretend it's mountains. It's lovely that I get up mostly before sunrise, even on the weekends, because the Sun glints over the very tops of the trees as He rises.

It's a balmy 48*F this morning, here in Worcester, Massachusetts. I am loving it. I'm sitting here in the silence, with my fuzzy green dinosaur jammie pants on, and a flannel shirt, and big knee-high fuzzy socks. And a big mug of steaming coffee, with frothed milk, in a mug that depicts pumpkins and colored oak leaves. I'm so happy.

And, it's Caturday! Today I am going to replace the screens in some of the windows with the storm windows, maybe, and take out the air conditioners.
I have about a week left of dieting, and then....crock pot! Soups! Stews! Chilis!

Have I mentioned how much I love this season?

The world is going to hell in a handbasket...sigh. I'm doing my best to keep my little corner of it clean, and kind, and bless it-- happy.

Septober!

Oh, my very favorite season. My friend Heather, as far as I know, coined the term Septober. I love it. Well...honestly I don't know if she made it up herself, but she passed it on to me.

Mostly it's still been H.O.T., but I have been feeling Fall in my bones for a week or two, now. Yesterday, I looked out my window, and watched the dead oak leaves whirl and dance in our little parking lot. The leaves have not yet started to turn. They must be from last year? But there they were, frolicking in the wind.

Today, I watched the itty bitty birds-- I think they are house sparrows-- pecking at tiny tidbits only they could see, out in the street.

I think my favorite part of being a Witch is intentional Paying Attention. My fancy gets caught by things most people don't seem to notice-- a change in the wind, birds, clouds, patterns. I'm learning, watching, all the time. Sometimes I get busy with the mundane, as we all do, but when I remember, all it takes is a shift of attention, and...bam! Magic happens.

FLEAS. Oh, ugh.

August is only 2 days into being over. OVER. Yay! One (hopefully) more week of 90+ degrees. Summer's last blast. I am a little bit wistful, because we didn't do anything summery. No picnics, no beach. The Boy didn't want to, True Love is insanely sun-sensitive (as in he gets blisters from just 15 minutes! Ack!), and I really didn't much feel like doing things alone. Though I could. I should've.

Soon as I posted my last post, I picked up another client for 10 hours a week, and might get more with her, so yay hours! The downside: they have indoor/outdoor kitties, and I brought home an unwelcome hitchhiker: fleas. Oh, dear lords and ladies, no.
Years and years ago, my then-boyfriend and I had a HUGE, huge flea infestation. Our friend ended herself up homeless for a stretch, and we agreed to take care of her two cats, but no animals allowed in the off-season summer cottage we were renting, so they stayed out in the wooded area behind the house, and came back for food. In this itty bitty cottage with hardwood floors, we got a giant flea infestation.
I counted the bites on my one leg between the knee and foot, and there were over 100 bites. I had just as many on the other leg, bites on my thighs, booty, belly, boobages, arms, neck.
My boyfriend wore these giant motorcycle boots that came to his knees. After work, in order to get ready to go out clubbing, I had to put these boots on outside the door, jump on a chair indoors, change into my going-out clothes, jump back out the door, put my own boots on, in order to not get bit.
We tried everything. The fleas seemed to get immune to every remedy we tried.
I went to a vet, who said, "I don't know, but you better figure it out, or you are going to get hospitalized".
Needless to say, I'm just a bit idgity about fleas. Plus, we have Hobbes now, our giant lovely boy-kitty, who just turned 9, and he is itchy, too, poor boy. He's an indoor kitty only. I feel awful.
I guess this week is going to be Get Rid Of Fleas Week. Ugh.
This is worse than when we ended up with two months of passing lice back and forth, three years ago.

Gawd, I know we're sharing the planet with all sorts of critters, but I wish the itchy ones would LEAVE US ALONE. Shoo, critters. Go 'way.

So now here it is just after Lammas, and once again I am a woeful slacker. I forgot I even had a blog, for a little while.

We just got back from Asheville for a summer vacation. Got to the top of NC, just below the TN border, and even The Boy yells out "We're home!"

Ahh....sigh. Yeah. I miss the mountains terribly. And Asheville is my heart home. I did not realize how acutely I miss those mountains. One day... one day I will be back.

It won't be for lots of years, probably. The Boy got into the most prestigious high school in the area, and I am so proud of him. SO proud! This, if you haven't noticed, is my giant PROUD MAMA MOMENT, so hush about, and let me enjoy it. President Obama himself ASKED...asked, I tell you, they didn't ask him, he asked them...to speak at the commencement of this high school last year. It has a 96% graduation rate. It's a technical high school with some twenty-six majors and they have hands-on and they have apprenticeships.

But I digress...my point being, we will be here for at least the next four years, if not beyond, because I am going to see my kid graduate from this high school, but also the political climate in NC is just in the dang toilet. Last year when we went back...even the kids don't have health insurance anymore. It's such a beautiful place, and it is so decrepit and corrupt now, which is beyond sad. My friends there are all so angry, and I do not blame them.
Having the steeply discounted grocery stores is fun, but it does not make up for no health insurance. And they are now a necessity for so many, because they allow people to free up just a little money (hopefully) in case someone gets sick.

Me, now, I bumped slightly (financially) out of the free version of MA health insurance, because of more hours at work, so I had to get another tier of insurance that I pay for....and then I lost all those hours. I mean all this in a month. I have to buy dental now, too. Which, I am not complaining because there isn't any insurance at all to be had in NC, without paying hundreds out the nose each month, and this is altogether less than $100/month....but I just lost all those hours, so dang.

I'll figure it out. I know it will all work out. I know it will. But I did not go into the lottery to chance being John Barleycorn at the Lammas ritual anyway, just in case.