Welp, here it is the first day of 2017.
I want to say Happy New Year, because it's tradition, and habit, and that is what one does, but I'm not so sure about the faith I have that the next 4 years (or more, good gracious, bite my tongue) will be anything but happy.
At least for marginalized people. It appears, rapidly, that discrimination is once again going to be the law of the land, only not just for black folks, and not that gay people and other such just get to be as invisible as possible, like in the good ol' days, but they get to be actively discriminated against, too, by law.
I'm still rather in denial that things won't just tootle along like they have been for the last 8 years. Intellectually, I know this isn't going to happen. But the whole situation is so dire, so crazy, so impossible, that it's all I can do to just sit here with my mouth agape and hanging down to my knees, and my eyes big as tea saucers.
What a fucking mess, excuse my language.
So since my last post, with that first date, things fell hard and fast with that person, and I'm now a full partner to hir-- who is polyamorous and has two other partners in two other states. Those relationships are going on 7 years each, and... well, wow. Just, wow.
If there isn't anything the Universe didn't just hit me upside the head with about I AM NOT THE BOSS OF YOU, it's this. It's a heavy lesson in loss of control (not in a bad way-- but in a I AM ONLY IN CONTROL OF ME way) and also an EVERYTHING I EVER LET GO OF, I LEFT CLAW MARKS IN kind of way.
Heavy, heavy lessons, those./
I am being loved like I never have before. I am being honored and held and paid attention to, more in the past couple weeks than in the past well-over-16-years. Or more.
And I'm happy as a pig in mud.
Most of the time.
It's a very real possibility that-- it's been brought up to me that it's possible I am feeling some PTSD, which I have never considered before, but it's appearing more and more that I have suffered some very real trauma from my past relationships, but dammit-- Ima gonna heal from all that. Days I just break down and cry, unexpectedly, like this morning, and days I am just fine and dandy and kick-ass and determined. It's a dance, it is.
But I am NOT going to lay down and let it consume me. Nope. Not.
Back to the first topic, I'm seriously worried about the state of, well, the world, starting with right here in the good ol' USA, which is about to become the fascist USA right here in my very lifetime. And I'm super worried for my big beautiful vat of transgender friends, whom I love with every fiber of my being. I'm not good at fighting. I'm much better at hiding, and making soup on the sidelines for those who need it, but maybe a whole bunch of soup and hugs are in order, hey. I gots superpowers. Ima gonna use them.
Starting with my new love, and my friends whom I circle with. I'm still gonna be the best, kindest, lovingest me I can be. Oh, and starting with my ownself, too. Self-care, and all that.
Well if this wasn't round-and-round... sorry for the incoherence. It's New Year's *yawn*