So it's going to be Lammas in a couple of days.The first of three harvest festivals, in many Pagan traditions.
I am dieting (again), so will not be partaking of the first fruits, as it were. But that's okay. I started this go-round right around 140 lbs, so it's probably the lowest start weight of any yet. I'm determined to at some point get to, and stay in, the 120s. Where I was in my 20s or so. Plus, wiggle room. My body keeps trying so hard to get me super fat again, and I will not have it.
I didn't realize how utterly uncomfortable that was, 'till I lost a good portion of that poundage! I could breathe easier, for real.
I want to stay under 134, tops.
So my kid hasn't gotten another job. His anxiety has ramped up 😪 and I think it's just really hard, in general, for him to go present himself to strangers in authority as a neurotypical person. I hope he'll be able to. Because I'd love to see him get out on his own and be a responsible, mature adult in a couple of years... at best.
For real, he and his girlfriend asked me again if she could live here, and pay rent, and I went in there and said NO FREAKING WAY, that while I love them both, I am trying to eject people from my home, and not add people. I love my child beyond reason-- and I honestly can't wait to live alone. I love my own company so freaking much. And, I can choose to be in company or not, when I'm alone.
I lost my only client, not to death, thank all the gods, but to a nursing home, which it was well past time, and I am SO glad she's getting the care she needs. I am super glad not to be driving 10 hours a week to work 15.
I am sad, though, and to be honest, more than a bit scared of income insecurity.
I applied for a job as Personal Assistant to a couple from the UU. My hours of availability aren't flexible enough for them, but they like me, so I shall hear back in a couple of days.
Meanwhile, I'm filling in for my regular job, with clients, and I have a new one every Friday morning. I like him.
I will be celebrating twenty-four years of continuing sobriety, on August the 24th. I am so stoked. Today is 23 years, 11 months, and 4 days. Not that I'm counting or anything.
The other thing I thought of is, if I'm not working, it'd sure be nice to hit a few meetings. It's for real been months and months and maybe almost a year since I've been to one. My sobriety is in no way threatened-- again, I am such a loner and introvert-- and I do stick very closely to my program and my spirituality, which pretty much converge. But it'd still be nice to actually go.
I'm starting, this year, to finally really love Massachusetts. I love the weather, the seasons, the health insurance, and I lovelovelove my partners, whom I would not be with if it weren't for moving up here.
They still talk funny here, though.
