Saturday, May 5, 2018

Beltane, and D's Birthday

For the last two days, it's been 87*F, and I scurried to put the air conditioners in... in two rooms. I have four air conditioners, come by in a free and lucky way, three of them.

I put one in my son's room, because his room is in the center of the house, and only has one outside wall, and it gets beastly hot in there.

I put the one in my Mom Cave (living room), because that room has two sunny windows, and also gets beastly hot.
I survived my bedroom, last night, without. I used fans.

Today, it's blessedly cooler, and looks to be that way for the next week, at least. I think I can take my time with my bedroom AC, thank all the gods, because it's not so simple as putting it in the window... I have to move the bed to the other wall, which involves cleaning out underneath, and vacuuming. It's kind of a project, though not a long one. I shall do that next week.
Because! And because... today is my partner D's birthday 💕💕💕

And it's also the Beltane celebration at our place of... hmm, worship? Not the right word, but it's the one that comes to mind. At the First Kingdom Church of Asphodel, which really is a church, albeit a Pagan one. It's a 401c3 non profit, and yeah, they could use donations, if anyone feels so inclined. Their house at the farm could use some serious work before next Winter. They all went kinda without heat for the last month, or more, of this Winter.
Here is their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/KingdomOfAsphodel/

For D's birthday, the radio station that D volunteers at could also use some funding-- they are a community radio station, which, I have learned, is utterly different from a public radio station. It's the only one, so it doesn't get all that huge backing that some public stations do. Here is the link to that Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/wcuw91.3fm/ and there is a DONATE button up to the right, on that page.
It's a wicked cool station-- I'm not generally brand-loyal when it comes to radio, but I tend to have my car station at 91.3 more often than not. They're pretty awesome.
And you can also stream it online: http://www.wcuw.org/ and you can donate there, too. Even like $20, if you have it, is helpful!
D's show is The Freeway Freak, Monday nights from 5-7pm Eastern Time, and the show is called The Drive at Five. There's a Drive at Five every weekday, and all the DJs are different, but all the shows are cool. Friday night blues is awesome, too. I'm so exciting that I hang my laundry to that, almost every Friday *giggle*

So there's my free promotions to things I care about. I'm not involved in any way except I care. That's it 💖

So it's May.... I pulled a tarot card for May, and my card was the Four of Wands, which is Fennel in my Herbal Tarot deck. There is a picture of two folks dancing-- fairies? Angels? They have wings. One is dressed in pinkish, and one in blue. Both their wings are blue. One is blonde and one is brunette, and they have their arms about each other, and they are above the ground, feet not touching the Earth. The wands and the fennel grow tall all around.
I took this to mean to play, be light-hearted, dance!
The booklet says, among other things, balancing of opposing wills and spirits. I am taking this to mean, for May, be light hearted, lighten up, dance, play, and seek BALANCE!

Blessed Beltane, all! And happy, happy birthday, to D. I love you, dearest one 💗💙💚💛💜

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Beltaine!

Oh, so Merry Beltane 💜💛💚💙💗

I'm sitting in my Mom Cave, at near to 6am, gazing at the newly waning Moon. It's now light out before 6am.
My teen now has a job! And they have a half day of school today. He asked could he stay home and not go, that plenty of other kids are not going, and I said sure. Why not. It's a stupid motivational speaker and I'd want to stay home, too. He has to work 2-9 tonight-- he doesn't normally home from school till 2:20, so you betcha those McD's folks have a bead on the school calendar and knew they could eke another hour out of my boy.
So I'm sitting here, as I said, in my Mom Cave, enjoying an extra hour of quiet because the boy is sleeping. and I don't have to be the motivator. Yay!

Did you wash your face in the morning dew yesterday? To retain your youthful beauty? I did. As I do every Beltaine. Other than that, I worked, and I lost sleep last night because the night before, I had to pick up my boy from work when it was past my bedtime. So I came home and took a nap.
I was going to go for a date with my partner, but they had to work late and they were wiped out, so we didn't go... which is probably good, 'cause I fell asleep by 9:30 and I have to pick up the boy past my bedtime again tonight.
I need to learn this art of The Nap.

We shall celebrate Beltane this weekend. May 5th is my partner D's birthday. We'll be going to the Beltane ritual at Asphodel, where we celebrate all our holy days, and I hope to dance the Maypole, which I love. I think I shall wear purple. And I would like to paint my toenails purple, as well. And then go to D's house and celebrate Beltane proper, and also D's birthday 💗

Oh! We have a song! Our band is called Punk Rock Treehouse. It's only the two of us right now, so no playing live unless we get other people-- studio band only, for the moment. And if you can believe it, D has talked Sheena into doing what Sheena Does Not Do, which is sing-- I'm sharing lead vocals, GASP! Hush, you 😜 Here is the link to the song, which is called Manifesto: http://instantdogma.net/TH/Manifesto.mp3

Have fun with that! And Merry Beltane!

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

March 2018

Here it is almost the ides of March 2018, and we are having the 2nd Snowpocalypse of the month.

I am so grateful that work called me to ask if I wanted to call out, because I was waffling back and forth about it. I've called out so much, it seems to me, because of weather. I don't think I'm going to lose my position over it, but the thought had occurred to me.
I'm a caregiver for the elderly and disabled, in-home, and those folks don't ever take days off or have holidays, and I really should be there... and if I worked more local to me, I would have gone in. But my client is an hour out and I am NOT getting caught on the side of the road in a blizzard with my kid and two cats at home. Nope nope nope.

So that said, I haven't much had the heart to write anything for a very long time, because of the crazy surreal world that the United States is in. I feel like I live in a Dali painting. There is an email loop I subscribe to, called What The F*** Happened Today, about all the things that happened today re: the White House and such. And every day I read it and I really DO go to myself "What the f***...?"
Yes, it is that crazy. That surreal. And it's like... it's like the New Normal. Nobody bats an eye. Me, I have eyes as big as tea saucers over every new weirdness. Everytime I think something can't get more crazy... it does.

Right now I am sitting in my Mom Cave, the living room that mostly only I occupy, which is why it's my Mom Cave, and it's Snowpocalypse and it's blizzard conditions and it's 7:25am and the whole world is not awake except for plows. And there's a huge, thousands-strong murder of crows flying madly from West-ish to East-ish over my house. Making a mad racket. They've been doing this for a good half hour. Nutty crows. I wonder what they're up to in a snowstorm? But I love them and I am glad they are here. Stay safe, crows <3

My partner and I are starting a music project. It's exciting to be practicing drums for a song-- I haven't done that in years and years. It's fun, yay!

Not much to say. Just trying to restart my writings.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

I have not been able to write all dang year, because the political situation in this country has been so... well, insane. Every day I wake up wondering if Ima wake up at all. We have an insane person at the helm, folks, and every day is so freaking surreal.

Okay. So.
I don't even wanna go there, because it's so depressing and I live in such an unreality, now, it's all I can do to keep my personal life afloat.
Which is to say, I made that sound all wrong, because my personal life is so amazing anymore. SO amazing... that person I started dating last year at this time, we have just celebrated a year of being together, life partners, committed romantic companions, and we had rings made by my friend Jo, who is an amazing jeweler (I dunno if even that's her official title).
An aside: Jo and I went to Syracuse University together, and she majored in metals, and she actually pursued her major into careerhood. AND, she's still playing music. She was in my first band, in the way way back. Name of Distortion. In Syracuse, in like '79-80 when I was Sheena (and still am, in some circles).
Oh, and my most amazing drum teacher, Dave Read, died back in like January. He was only like 63 or 64, and he had 3 cancers. I'm still crying now and then over that. He was such an enormous influence on me. I spoke his name at the Samhain ritual, and left an offering of drum sticks for him. He is on my altar this year :(

So my partner and I, we exchanged rings at Samhain, at our common Pagan place to go, which is to say The First Kingdom Church of Asphodel here in Massachusetts. It's not a coven, that I'm aware of, but I do belong to it. It is a church, officially, and it's a 401-C 3 non profit. I've been a member for 3 years or so. And we exchanged rings and made our vows in front of the whole company, and got cheers and clapping and stuff <3
And that relationship has gotten nothing if not MORE amazing over the year. I wish I had known that relationships could be so good, years ago. Well... better late than never.

And hir relationship with hir two other partners is as strong as ever, and I have met both of them and they are both amazing people, which is why I suppose D loves them, and one has a live-in partner, and I met him, too, and he's awesome. My kid also met them all, and likes everybody.

And... I kind of have another partner of my own. My friend A, from WAY back in the day, and I, have gotten super close as friends, and have developed a deeper intimacy together. So I guess I am officially polyamorous and not just by virtue of being in a partnership with one person who's poly. How cool is that?

I'm still on a mission of Being Nice. The tougher and uglier the world gets, well, I am not cowing to that at all. Nope nope nope.

Laterz!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

New Year's Day 2017

Welp, here it is the first day of 2017.
I want to say Happy New Year, because it's tradition, and habit, and that is what one does, but I'm not so sure about the faith I have that the next 4 years (or more, good gracious, bite my tongue) will be anything but happy.

At least for marginalized people. It appears, rapidly, that discrimination is once again going to be the law of the land, only not just for black folks, and not that gay people and other such just get to be as invisible as possible, like in the good ol' days, but they get to be actively discriminated against, too, by law.

I'm still rather in denial that things won't just tootle along like they have been for the last 8 years. Intellectually, I know this isn't going to happen. But the whole situation is so dire, so crazy, so impossible, that it's all I can do to just sit here with my mouth agape and hanging down to my knees, and my eyes big as tea saucers. 
What a fucking mess, excuse my language.

So since my last post, with that first date, things fell hard and fast with that person, and I'm now a full partner to hir-- who is polyamorous and has two other partners in two other states. Those relationships are going on 7 years each, and... well, wow. Just, wow.
If there isn't anything the Universe didn't just hit me upside the head with about I AM NOT THE BOSS OF YOU, it's this. It's a heavy lesson in loss of control (not in a bad way-- but in a I AM ONLY IN CONTROL OF ME way) and also an EVERYTHING I EVER LET GO OF, I LEFT CLAW MARKS IN kind of way.
Heavy, heavy lessons, those./
I am being loved like I never have before. I am being honored and held and paid attention to, more in the past couple weeks than in the past well-over-16-years. Or more.
I'm gobsmacked.
And I'm happy as a pig in mud.
Most of the time.
It's a very real possibility that-- it's been brought up to me that it's possible I am feeling some PTSD, which I have never considered before, but it's appearing more and more that I have suffered some very real trauma from my past relationships, but dammit-- Ima gonna heal from all that. Days I just break down and cry, unexpectedly, like this morning, and days I am just fine and dandy and kick-ass and determined. It's a dance, it is.
But I am NOT going to lay down and let it consume me. Nope. Not.

Back to the first topic, I'm seriously worried about the state of, well, the world, starting with right here in the good ol' USA, which is about to become the fascist USA right here in my very lifetime. And I'm super worried for my big beautiful vat of transgender friends, whom I love with every fiber of  my being. I'm not good at fighting. I'm much better at hiding, and making soup on the sidelines for those who need it, but maybe a whole bunch of soup and hugs are in order, hey. I gots superpowers. Ima gonna use them.

Starting with my new love, and my friends whom I circle with. I'm still gonna be the best, kindest, lovingest me I can be. Oh, and starting with my ownself, too. Self-care, and all that.

Well if this wasn't round-and-round... sorry for the incoherence. It's New Year's *yawn*

Sunday, November 6, 2016

What Keeps Me Going

A friend asked the other day, on Facebook, what keeps you going, in these times of strife and ugly and mean? In this volatile time of the upcoming US election, and all the vitriol being slung from all directions?

This was my answer:

What I learned from being in recovery so long, is it's really only one day at a time, even for y'all not in recovery. 
I have a date tonight and it's my first one in like... forever. Especially since my last several relationships imploded from major, major dysfunction. 
I have hope, but I'm terrified, as I have precious little faith in my ability to pick someone not insane. And the older I get, the more baggage there is, so that's hard.
As for the world... maybe it IS Tower Time, who knows. People had faith that Rome's empire would last. And as we all know who made it to here, it tragically didn't. Or maybe not so tragically, unless you were from Rome.
My kid. My kid keeps me going. He's offensive as all hell, on purpose, but inside he has an unshakeable goodness to him and a faith in propagating the species (NOT yet, thank all the gods) and in love and in hope and in a faith that somehow, the world will be there for him when he grows up.
I keep going and going and being well and being good to people and putting one foot in front of the other, and sharing and smiling and holding doors for people.
I work elderly in-home care because I love old people. I love kids and babies and I just love and love and love, even when I have no hope and no faith, I keep on lovin'.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Samhaintide

My word, here it is Samhain, and I have forgotten (or procrastinated, more like) to write again for three months. Shame on me.

I've had a lot going on.

I'm making new friends, learning to get along on my own again without a partner, parenting my teen son. Meanwhile, the world, or at least the United States, is in a bit of a shambles with this election coming up next week. I don't ever talk politics, but boy-howdy this one is going to be a doozy.
I was brought up that my vote is my private business, so I will not say who I am voting for. But I will say I really ought, if it wasn't so critical, this, to sit back with the popcorn and watch the fur fly.
This is one time I am SO glad I haven't had television in the last 25 or more years.
I really think we oughtta go back to the soapbox days, where the candidates say what they are going to do for the nation, and exactly how they plan to implement it, instead of the mud-slinging, which is so ugly.
Not to mention that the internet and social media has really given rise to the ugly in Americans-- I don't know what that's about except perhaps it's safer to be mean behind a screen.
Me, I refuse to do that. I will not go there.
Believe me, I have my ugly just like most folks, but I am keeping my counsel. My mom taught me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, and there's times I just love that Southern saying "Bless their heart" because that has all kinds of nuance to it.

Have I gotten off on a rant or what?

This Samhain, I'm thinking mostly of my dad.

When I was 11 or so, my dad used to sit me in the front seat and hand me the map and make me navigate. He was an airline pilot, and navigating and weather and all that was in his blood. I hated it, at the time... "See that highway sign? Is it an interstate or a county road? Where is that town, can you find it on the map? There's a railroad crossing, see it? On the map. How many miles to X town?"... and on and on, till I thought I would die.
Now? I can find my way out of anywhere. I can read a map like nobody's business, and I think it's a dying talent, with GPS and all. I do use the GPS, but there's nothing like an old-fashioned printed paper map.

Also, I can pack like a boss. The car, the carry-on bag, my purse, a backpack. My dad, I got that from my dad. He could really pack the car and the boat when we went camping. I have been called Mary Poppins, and that is a high compliment, to me. I hear PL Travers was rather a Witchy sort, too. I will take it!

And you know what? I realized this year that I am more interested in weather than I thought I was. I have had NOAA as my homepage for a couple of years, and I read the Farmer's Almanac, and while I have a barometer/thermometer/humidity gauge on my wall for a couple of years, too, in honor of my father, I think I may actually learn how to read that barometer.  

Thinking of you, Daddy. Thank you for teaching me those skills. Thank you for what you didn't teach, that I inherited naturally from you. Thank you for pretending I was old enough to dance with you, at the clubhouse dances. I'm honored. I danced with (for) you this morning, in your honor. I miss you.

Blessed Samhain, y'all. And Happy New Year.