On the way to work today, the leaves were falling like snowflakes across my path, portending the not-so-long-from-now real snowflakes that fall so prodigiously up here in MA.

North Carolina...oh, the lovely mountains...NC rather stopped getting the kind of snow and ice storms that it did when I first moved to the mountains back in '03.

I don't mind the snow. Not this early in the game. NC used to be seasonally appropriate. Then it got warmer, in general. I had to move to MA to once again get seasonally appropriate weather.

I have been here for a whole turn of the wheel, and then some. The trees are just about in full colored glory. Somehow, this year, they seem dead on the branches, which, I suppose they are, but they seem...dry. Wispy. Fly-away.

I've always known that the glorious leaf-coloring is the trees dying...I wonder if human death is so glorious, for the one that is dying. I wish it were so, for those of us left, when a loved one passes beyond the veil. How cool would it be if we went out in a blaze of multi-colored glory?

It's Samhain-tide. It's Ancestor time. I have made my altar and this year it only has my father and my grandmother (his mother, at about age 18) on there. I haven't even put my grandmother's hair thingy there yet. I will still wear it to the Samhain rite, as I do every year. It's funny how my dad was an airline pilot, and instinctively, I put next to him on the altar symbols of flight, of Air-- most of a whole bird's wing that I found in the back yard, a larger feather, a picture of a crow. I don't think it was accidental at all.

I feel them. Do you? Do you feel the pull of your ancestors? What are you doing this year to honor them?

It's OCTOBER!

I forgot to say Rabbit, Rabbit yesterday. When I remembered, I said it to the cat...oh, well.

The season is definitely turning. Now, "hot" is in the 60s. That's alright. It needs to be. Yesterday and today is rainy and raw. Must be I'm the only one that likes this kind of weather. Everybody else complains. I think I hate the complaining more than any kind of weather the universe can throw at me.
I am trying not to be a complainer anymore. Gawd, it wears on a person.

Long, long work day today-- nearly 9 hours. I'm not complaining! I'm loving it, actually. I'm grateful for the work. I like the person I'm working for. We get to watch old British TV shows on DVD sometimes, and today I get to bring my laptop (who knew they had wifi?) and cut up some of the 3 bags of apples I bought the other day.

I don't know what's got into me-- must be the season-- I bought a metric ton of local apples and I am going to make applesauce and apple butter in the canner that I also bought, as soon as I get some jars.

One day I am going to make jam the way my mother did-- with the wax seals. I just wish I knew people that ate jam, 'cause I don't, and my son doesn't, and True Love does, but it takes him months and months to go through a jar. Maybe I'll have them just to have them, and think of my childhood and my mom. Who, thank all the gods, is still very much alive and whatever the reason I have this pull to talk to her All.The.Time. and it is driving her crazy.

I think of my dad's mom a lot. I'm told I resemble her in more ways than just looks, her eclectic personality too, and that's OK. Tis the season of ancestors and she's on my altar, as is my dad.

Blessed Samhain. Let them in, let them in.

Blessed Mabon!

The temperature has finally changed. I was a little worried because I finally put the flannel sheets on-- my very favorite day of the year!-- and it turned hot. That day. Ugh.

When we lived in Asheville, I would do that, change the sheets out to flannel ones, and it would turn hot for a week solid, I kid you not, and I would put the air conditioner on rather than change the sheets back and then change them back again.
But here, now, this was just Saturday last, two days ago, and on the same day, we took out the window unit air conditioners and then flipped the mattress (side to side, if anyone wants to remind me for next time I need to flip it, which way I want to go) and put the flannel sheets on.
Then, Sunday, yesterday, it went to like 70+ degrees AND was humid as all heck. I had to stay out of the living room.

So we went out to Cauldron Farm for their Equinox ritual-- 3rd time there, 3rd time excellent time. LOVED it. Love those people. I am thinking about joining them, as a member. I miss Mother Grove a LOT-- but these are the coolest people, and I'm not going to be living in NC again anytime soon. I do really like them lots. They are real and true and they put on good ritual and you can't ask for better than that. Plus, it's a real farm, with goats and chickens and things. And a fire pit!

I am still dieting and did not partake of the potluck-- go me! But I still am stuck right at about the same weight for about a week or two, now. I'm not trying to maintain, dang it, I am trying to lose. Maintaining is for after I lose all I want to lose, and I want to lose 5 more pounds and I want them off last week and I want to eat. NOW. I'm getting off this next week no matter what. I'm hoping against hope that I can at least get three more pounds off before I do. I'm sick of the yo-yo.

My Mabon will be just a tad late, but I am having pork ribs in the crock pot and maybe apples and onions and mushrooms. Ideas? Is that good? It sounds YUMMY....happy Mabon, all. I wish you balance.

A Whole Year

I can't believe we have been here a whole year 'round, already. All the seasons. All the holidays. Mabon is upon us again.

I think we have found a Pagan home! We go out to a place called Cauldron Farm in Hubbardston, MA, about 40-odd minutes away. We've been to two of their public rituals and I had a great experience-- I find that as long as I insert myself into the ritual, I always experience magick. It's all about intent, but sometimes that gets forgotten in the new.

The Boy does not participate in ritual. He is 13-1/2 and is exploring his own spirituality, and what he believes. I think right now he identifies as agnostic, which is perfectly reasonable for a boy of his age. I don't force him to participate. I would love if he grew up Pagan, but I honestly don't care, as long as he is fair and true and not judgmental about other people's paths, and loves his path with all his heart and does not just pay lip service
.
I'm dieting-- which means, I want to get about 8 more pounds off, and I don't think I will do it by Mabon. I was going to just stop dieting so that I can have Harvest foods, but I think it is more important that I don't just take off the weight I gained back-- I want to take off more. So I think I will be dieting through Mabon. That's alright...I'm there for ritual and camaraderie anyway.

{Man...that word is hard to spell}

I can have my own Mabon feast later in the week, or the next week. I can appreciate harvest without having to ingest it on a certain day. Believe me, I will gorge when it's gorging time. For me, right now, it's time for scarcity. And that's OK.

And...the weather broke, finally, I think. Yay! Because two days ago, it was 88* and that is just way too hot for me. I found my last year's diary entry, though, and on September 11th, it was 89*. I think I shall not take out the A/C units just yet. Just in case. In case there is one last blast.

I'm actually looking forward to Winter. I am thoroughly enjoying the Autumn, though!

56 degrees this morning, and I left the living-room window open. BRR! I have on my spider-web fuzzy pants and a flannel shirt. I love Autumn. LOVE! I have not got the flannel sheets on yet, but I sleep with two comforters and I am right cozy in the night time. I have started shutting the windows at night.

Last week there was a heat wave; it got near to 90* a couple of times, and yes, I did turn on the air conditioners. They're still in the windows. I doubt we are going to need them anymore, but I hesitate to take them out.

This year, I am for sure going to put plastic on some of the windows. I had a breeze coming in one of them last year. I have to remember to ask the handyman to take the screen out of my back door, and put in the storm window again.

The tree across the street appears to be changing its leaf colors, but it's hard to tell-- I think some of the leaves are actually dying. Which makes me sad, and also concerned-- why would they die?

I had slacked off on my deliberate spiritual practice for much of the past months-- I kept the Goddess and God in my heart, and I keep my vigilance for Paying Attention, as always, but I let go a lot of the meditation and self-blessing and smudging. I'm sporadically starting that up again, and it does feel good. In all honesty, I would love to make it a regular discipline, but when it feels like I HAVE to, the less I WANT to, so I have given myself permission to be a Slacker Pagan if I need to. That way, when I do do my spiritual disciplines, it feels more honest and less forced. Nothing feels good if it's not from the heart, eh?

57 degrees this morning. FIFTY-SEVEN! Wow. I have fuzzy socks on.

This morning when I took my shower, I looked out the bathroom window, as I always do, to the giant sentinel pine trees that guard the small parking lot, and there was the beautiful waning moon, surprise! Between two of them. So lovely. Hai, moon!

Lammas was lovely. The Asphodel folks put on a very powerful ritual-- they had a symbolic sacrifice of John/Jane Barleycorn, and at the last minute I decided to stand in the inner circle to possibly be picked. Barleycorn is the one who has a very, very bad year coming up, but the community pledges to support hir in whatever way possible-- perhaps free massages, perhaps rides here and there, food, phone calls, hugs.

I did not get picked, but I was so afraid that I would or that I wouldn't, that I had tears welling up in my eyes. I think the person who did get picked had already had a couple of bad years. I hope she is doing well, and I did offer my support in whatever way I am able.

The berries here in MA are late by comparison to NC. They fruit in August, Lammas-time. I forgot when they were in NC, but I am pretty sure they were June-- maybe July. Things are off by a whole month here. Tomatoes are just showing up at farmer's markets, and corn. I already have been feeling Autumn in the air, for a couple of weeks now.

How is it by you?

Changing Seasons

I almost forgot I had a blog.

I'm actually Doing Stuff this summer! I don't, normally. I don't do Summer Things like most people do, like, going to the beach, or swimming at the pool, or to picnics, or whatever.

But we did go back to Asheville for a week. Drove right down there, 2-1/2 days down, 2 days back, in the car, with a week there. The Boy went back to his survival camp that he's gone to for the past 4 years (5, now!), and loved it just as much as ever. I stayed with a friend while he was there, and went shopping at all the Poor Stores (scratch'n'dent, overstock, what-have-you) to load up my car, because, frankly, I don't think those kind of stores are allowed in Massachusetts. This new home of ours has lots of laws against most everything, compared to NC.
Also, we stayed with The Boy's best friend and his parents, who are my friends, for the first and the last weekend we were there.
We had a large time!
And yes, we both missed the mountains even more than we thought we had. How painfully breathtaking they are.

So here we are, back in MA, and the weather...I don't think I've had the A/C on more than twice! It's amazing. Tonight is already so cool, it's going to be lovely sleeping weather.

We've been yard saling, thrift shopping, tomorrow is a huge flea market, we spent Midsummer with some lovely folks at a place not far called Cauldron Farm, and we'll be spending Lammas with them, too. I can't believe Lammas is only a week away.

For the past 25 years, I have lamented the lack of winter so much that I assumed the last name of WinterHeart. I wonder if 24 years from now, I'll call myself SummerHeart instead?